Looking in the Mirror

So far, these posts have largely been about my adventures in Nepal - the things I've done or discovered since being here.

This might be a bit of a change of pace, but I'm gonna share a few more serious thoughts that I've been having lately.

I don't know if you have days (weeks or maybe even months) like this, but over the last week or so, I've been feeling kinda down on myself.

I think it started when I read this book that made me realise that sometimes (or maybe even more than sometimes), I'm afraid of doing new things out of fear of failure. I don't want to look like an idiot, so in order to protect my pride, I don't even give things a go. I fear people's judgement of me more than I should and it stops me from stepping out and doing things.

Then, last weekend, I went to this massive festival where there was lots of music and people dancing and the friends I went with were really getting into it and dancing along but I felt kinda uncomfortable and out of place. So I started to question myself - Why aren't I more of a fun person? Why do I find it so hard to let loose? Why isn't my personality more carefree?

I've also had experiences where I've shared my opinions or made contributions to a discussion and have felt like those opinions have been dismissed as stupid. I'm not usually one to say much in meetings anyway, but this has made me more self conscious about sharing my thoughts in the future.

And so, as I've been feeling like rubbish and questioning my value, there's been a battle in my mind about where I find my identity.

If I were to 'look in the mirror of the world', what the world tells me I am (or what I perceive it to be telling me) will stare back at me. Unfortunately, people say or do things that unknowingly make me feel dumb and if I keep basing my identity on how others make me feel, then I'll probably continue to feel crap about myself and my self esteem will get a beating.

If, however, I 'look into the mirror of the Word', all the things that God says I am as a new creation in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17) will stare back at me, and it becomes less about me and how I'm feeling, and more about who I am because of Him. When I look at who God, in His Word, says that I am, even if I don't feel loved or valued or important to anyone, I know that I am (Ephesians 1) because I believe that God's Word is Truth, and truth trumps feelings any day.

In James 1, the Bible talks about looking at yourself in the mirror, then going away and forgetting what you look like. I've read verses about 'Who I Am In Christ' so many times, yet I still forget what my true identity is and let my feelings dictate how I see myself. To make sure I get an accurate reflection of who I really am, I need to continue going back to the 'mirror of God's Word'.

It is a battle, and there are times when I have to fight harder than at other times, but I know that to be victorious, I need to continually be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2)

Life is an adventure and an incredible journey with God...thanks for sharing in it with me!